It's Christmas time which means that I spend a lot of my time in tears, good tears but tears none the less. We took the kids out last night to look at some of the Christmas lights, there is a street in Salt Lake City called Christmas Street and everyone decorates, most of it was tasteful and pleasant and we enjoyed it, as we came out of the street, across the way was another street, whose name I didn't catch, but there was a big sign pointing to "The Christmas Story" so we drove down that street, every house on this street had one or two verses of the Bible story along with pictures of the Savior's ministry. A- read the first verse and I started to read the 2nd verse and started crying...
Last week "my" Jehovah's Witness' came to visit. He has come every month for more than a year. He always comes and brings a peaceful message, a short scripture and sometimes he would leave the watch tower for me to read later. As religious as I am, and even though I take time to read my scriptures at night, during the hectic days of motherhood I honestly enjoyed these random moments, that always came and the worst time possible, to remind me of my Savior's love and that he was looking out for me and wanted to bless me even when I couldn't think straight because of my wonderful children, being children. Recently the visits have changed to be a little more confrontational, he didn't want to except my beliefs and understanding of the Godhead and the role I attribute to Jesus Christ, Jehovah, my Lord and Savior. Finally after several visits that frustrated me A asked them not to return. As I read those verses on the street and began to cry my first thought was "Why couldn't I just bare my testimony to this man, and help him understand that we may not believe the exact same roles for our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, but that I have a personal, real and strong relationship with my deity and the scriptures are true".
I don't like the news, I don't watch it, I don't read it and often I am behind the times with current events. (I don't like news because I inevitably cry). So when I got onto FB on Friday and saw all the posts I had no idea what had happened. I looked into it, and spent much time crying and yet at a simple peace for knowing my Heavenly Father loves each one of those children, and they are saved and now they get to live with him forever, they are in a much better world than we provide for them. The teachers, what heroes for their sacrifices, are also loved and will find peace in the next life, they too are now with a loving and gracious Heavenly Father. I know for those left behind this is horrible and sad, but they can find peace if they trust in God.
In the aftermath of hate, I have seen such an out pouring of love. People everywhere wanting to remember the good in others, finding the joy in everyday life. Remembering that their/our/my petty trials are just that, petty and little and we can find love, trust, faith and courage to be great and kind and good.
I am often frustrated at the little things in my day, the boys are crazy and uncontrollable at times and I get mad and unloving more than I want to, but after a day like today. Being able to attend church, to think and talk about Christ, to remember the reason for the season too see the signs and outpouring of love. I cried and cried and grab Bug and gave him the biggest hug I have in awhile and while I held him, he said "Mom you don't need to cry, it's ok".
So I leave this with you: I don't need to cry, but life is so wonderful and good and horrible and sad and sometimes tears are the only way to express a full heart and mine is very full.
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