This one is for me.

I am going to admit that I am a "stocker" I have lived in a lot of places and met a lot of people and one of my great talents is that I actually remember most people, if I have met you I will probably remember eventually who you are, where I know you from and I recognize that you probably won't remember me. So back to being a stocker, I get on facebook and look people up, I want to know what is going on in their lives. If someone has a blog I try to find it and then I check up on them wondering what little things they are doing. I am totally interested in the soccer games, and the babies learning to crawl and the smiles and the frustrations of everyday life. I love that I have a couple of blogs that I follow that seem to have excellent writing skills which means they are empowering to read. I don't post much and facebook and even on this blog usually it is about the children. This has become a little bit of a journal of their lives, not so much mine. That all being said if I know you I probably like to know what you are doing. I often have entire conversations in my head where I ask all the nosy questions and worry about how you are feeling, and for recent acquaintances I wonder about their past life, where their from, how they met their spouse, how did they end up in the job they are doing or where they are living, my head is basically a million unanswered questions, because when i get to that conversation I inevitably allow the other person to dictate how it goes. I am not very good at being pushy or prying, even though I really want too. I wish every visit had real time to talk and find out how things are, I wish we had afternoon tea, where it was expected that we would sit down and talk and see how things are going. As a Latter Day Saint, we are asked to "visit teach" I really wish that I felt like I could drop in on every one of my sisters and visit for hours, without feeling like I should get out of their hair. I really wish that my sisters would want to visit and plan on time for that. One of my favorite partnerships for visiting teaching was in college and we were a set of three and we were all the teachers and the visited. So we would meet up and just visit. We didn't have to make appointments to see other people, we just got together to talk.

Anyway, this digressed from what it meant to be. I was reading a friends blog and she was referring to talents and making time for them even in the midst of motherhood chaos. Sometimes maybe even allowing the chaos to have the creative time to ourselves. I was touched by the idea, not a new one, but the idea of taking my own time. I allow my children to do many things that I really wish that they didn't do so that I can breathe, get dishes done, sweep the floor, sometimes even just shower, but over all I don't take the time to use my talents. I have a few talents that I love, and I want to share them with my children, I want my love of music, making music, not just listening to it, to be instilled in them and yet I very rarely sit down to play the piano anymore, I sing songs at night, but I don't find myself singing all over the house while I work, but I should. I should take more time to show them those things that are most important to me. They should see me reading my scriptures, not because we do it as a family, but because I do read my scriptures everyday, but they don't know that.

I have very few regrets in my life, I very rarely wish my life was different than it is right now. However, I do regret time. I think life is too fast paced, I need more down time, time to visit, really get at the meat of my friends lives. I need to take the time to show my children all the things I love and why I love them, nothing in this world has ever helped me with my mood swings like playing the piano, allowing all of my pent up emotions to come out of the music and allow me to get back to normal and function on a happy, even keel. All my children get is the mad, crazy mother. I need to just do the good things that will bring happiness to those around me. I am sure if I asked anyone they wish they could just gab someones ear off too, or they wish they had all the answers to the silly questions that make us who we are.

People inspire me everyday, people enrich my life by just being themselves, by writing a blog or posting on facebook, and I wish they new that they were giving me a smile, bringing a tear to my eye. They most likely never will, is this crazy world of more communication and less communicating I keep up, but I don't know what is going on in my friends lives.


I know that this was a lot of random thoughts, so be it.

Good Night